Card Emergency

I'm at work and I have a ton of stuff to get done, but this is kind of an emergency.

Here's the background: My boss got laid off. We are on the verge of going out of business, so the board decided to lay off our director (my boss) to save money and try to keep things going. And I must say, this decision was quite a smart one and my only complaint is that they didn't do it earlier.

Yesterday one of the teachers asked me if we were going to get him a card and/or some kind of going-away present. Now, I could put aside my feelings about being underpaid, overworked, etc., and just say this. Despite my boss not really being the right person for this job, he's been here a long time, he loves the school, and heck everyone deserves a token of appreciation when they leave a job, right? Cue lesson-learning music from Scrubs. (watch the first 22 seconds of this clip for the music)

BUT. I have 2 buts here. First, I doubt he will actually leave. I think he's going to keep showing up to work, a la Stapler Guy from Office Space, and not only showing up but asking me to do things. This will be awkward because do I want to say "hey, umm, you don't work here anymore?" Nope, I do not.

Second but. Last year a teacher left who had been teaching for us for 10 years, so we got him a card and a gift certificate to a nice hotel. Sounds appropriate, right? Well, a few months ago, we had someone leave who used to be on staff and then got laid off but continued to volunteer her time for months and months before finally leaving. My coworker got her a card and then asked my boss if we should get her anything else. He said no.

Now, I am supposed to get this guy a card?!? And sign it!?! I'm kind of at a loss for what to write on it. How about, "Thanks for paying me just above the poverty line, and by the way make sure you have your desk cleared out by tomorrow."

Baby in da club, bottle full of bub

So, DH and I went to grab a pizza yesterday (hey I was working till 8pm, I can't cook healthy and delicious meals every day!) and our favorite pizza place has recently been renovated to become a bar AND pizza place. I said, "Hey when I can drink again we should come here, it looks fun."

That statement started a conversation about bringing babies to bars/clubs/etc., and led to this topic of debate:

Do you think a nightclub would allow a baby inside?

I say no, because you have to be 21 to get into the club. DH says yes, because the baby would be with its parents and it's so obviously that it is underage that no one would serve it drinks.

So if you have any thoughts/experience on this topic, let me know!

PS: No, we will probably not actually test this theory. But if we do, I'll let you know!

Driving vs. Busing: The Facts (and Opinions)

So now that I have been driving for over 2 weeks (woo!) I feel that I am qualified to discuss the relative merits of both transportation methods. During the first week of driving there were a couple days where I said I would never drive again because traffic was horrible, roads were wet & slippery, someone got murdered, etc etc.

But now I am a little more relaxed with driving the van. (However I still never deviate from my one route, and that includes being too afraid to get gas.)

So, here are the facts:

On Not Driving

1. I have been without a car for almost 2 years.
2. During that time, I never drove because DH's van is a stick which I did not know how to use. I therefore took the bus to work every day.
3. I consider myself a fairly serious environmentalist, so I believe that I was doing a good thing by taking the bus.
4. In general I liked not having a car because I dislike driving, parking, paying for gas, paying for insurance, etc. etc.

On The Transition to Driving

5. Despite #3 and #4, I got fairly tired of taking the bus because of the following:
- it was often late, sometimes by over 10 minutes, which made my total commute time 45 minutes for a commute of 3.5 miles. I actually jogged it sometimes before getting pregnant, and the total time would end up being about the same.
- there are lots of bums that hang out at my bus stop, and they smell bad. (This reason got a lot more important in recent months when my morning sickness was in full swing.)
- if I got off work at 5pm, i had to wait for the 5:10 bus. And if I ever missed a bus there could be a wait of up to 20 minutes for the next one, depending on the time of day.
- if I could only learn to drive stick, I could enjoy free parking at my work every day
- the bus is expensive! A monthly bus pass was $81 per month!
6. Based on #5, I started wanting to learn to drive. But the following issues kept me from pursuing this "dream".
- I live in Seattle, which is extremely hilly. As you stick-drivers know, this is sort of the triple salchow of driving stick.
- Seattle also has tight parking, and the van is a small van, but it's still a van.
- We live in a condo, and park on P6, which is 6 floors underground. That means 6*4 = 24 blind turns around tight corners to get in and out of the parking garage. This more than anything else is what scared me into not driving.

On Driving

7. I now drive to and from work every day.
8. It saves me at least 30 minutes every day.
9. I was hoping it would also save money, but so far that looks like it is not the case. Sadly, we filled up yesterday (DH drove, since as I mentioned I'm still afraid to deviate from my path) and I only got 16 mpg!! I'm hoping this can get slightly better as my driving improves and I stop spinning tires.

And now for the opinions:

1. I am pretty proud of myself for overcoming all the obstacles to learning stick!
2. I am kind of sad that driving ended up winning over busing. It just goes to show that if someone like me who hates driving and loves the environment can't even deal with commuting by bus, then who else is going to do it?
3. I can't wait until I quit/get laid off so that I don't have to drive OR bus!!!

Belly on Board!

I think I need to get a sign like that and wear it on my back. Just last weekend I had my first experience of bumping into something because I didn't realize how big I was!

I also have to sleep with a pillow under my belly now. I have a hard time trying to explain what it feels like, but it's kind of like someone dropped a bocci ball into my stomach. It feels like things are being stretched or pushed that are not supposed to be pushed! I actually wake up every time I roll over now, because it's so uncomfortable. (And ladies, please don't tell me it's going to get worse. I get that. I realize that my fetus will actually be about 10 times bigger than it is now by the time this whole thing is done. I'm just taking it one day at a time here.)

Also I might have started waddling today, although I believe that is because I went to the gym yesterday and my legs are really sore! (Probably because I haven't worked out for oh, the last 3 months or so.) I learned an important lesson too - when you do a bunch of lunges and then you have to drive stick the next day, it hurts! Poor me! Oh well, at least my left thigh will get HUGE!!!

Chapter 7

So, this is a totally hypothetical question but does anyone know how it would work if your company goes out of business and they haven't paid their employees the final paycheck? We get paid in arrears and I just wonder how that would work.

I looked around online about who gets paid first in a bankruptcy, and it sounds like it's secured creditors, then unsecured creditors, and then shareholders. But presumably employees fall in there somewhere? Would they pay employees from revenue generated from an auction?

Also, there's another part to the question. Let's just say that the business in question was a school of some sort, and many students had already paid tuition for the upcoming quarter. Would those students be paid out of auction proceedings also? Or are they just screwed? I realize they could go to small claims court but there wouldn't really be anything for them to get.

Still Learning

Lately I receive a lot of phone calls from bill collectors. They ask to talk to our bookkeeper. (She is rarely in the office and even when she is she doesn't want to talk to them.)

I tell them that I can give them her voice mail, but then it turns into this Q & A session. Who am I, what is my job title, etc. I find this line of questioning rude, by the way, but hey these poor kids (usually in India) are just trying to do their job. So starting today, when they ask for our bookkeeper, I just say "sure" and transfer them to voice mail. So much time saved, it gives me time to update my blog at work! ;) Wish I would have thought of this sooner!

Does One Rude Email Deserve Another?

Probably not, but it's so much funnier that way! As an admin, you get all kinds of rude emails. I got one a few weeks ago from someone who (wrongly) assumed that I had double-charged his card. Instead of politely asking if I could check the transaction, he started off with accusations. That stuff really wears on you, and that lack of respect is one reason I sometimes actually miss engineering. Unix may be frustrating, but at least it doesn't call you names!

Anyway, on to the funny stuff. This is a real email exchange between a former student and one of my coworkers. Beware, you may find it offensive.

Presumptuous email from former student:

I received a mass mailing about an event - the title of the email was "Now we're talking" -- just in case you want to reference it.

Of all the languages offered - there was Latin and Ancient Greek and there was Arabic.

Arabic.

But Hebrew wasn't on the list. Why is that? Are there more people who genuinely wish to learn Arabic than Hebrew?

Or is an endowment issue, an Arab patron with a proviso that Hebrew and/or Yiddish never be taught? I'm genuinely curious as the answer and would appreciate a reply at your convenience.

The idea that you can't find anyone to teach Hebrew... I'd find hard to credit, but I'll hold judgment in abeyance pending your response.

Thank you.

Snarky response from my coworker:

Great question,

We did, at one point, offer Hebrew. But as the economy went south, we were forced to move into a smaller office building. In order to accommodate all of our classes, we decided it would be best for the Hebrew and Arabic students to share a classroom. As I’m sure you can imagine, chaos ensued. There were holy wars for the whiteboard, convoys of classroom supplies were disrupted and, eventually, the Hebrew students expelled the Arabic students into the confinement of our tiny hallway.



Needless to say, the Hebrew students had to be stopped. Left with numerous refugee Arabic students and low Hebrew enrollment figures, we opted to remove Hebrew from the course schedule. The Hebrew and Arabic instructors still meet weekly for peace talks, but it may be a while yet before the wounds heal and the students feel ready to share a classroom once more.



(Actually, we have tried to offer Hebrew enough but just aren’t able to enroll enough students to run a class. We need a minimum of five. You are right, we could easily find an instructor. The students, however, are a bit more difficult to come by.)

So, I will refrain from printing the student's response here. Needless to say, he/she did not find it amusing.

PS. This is why you should treat your employees well. This wouldn't happen with an employee who cared about keeping his job.

PPS. In case anyone is genuinely curious, apparently many synagogues offer free Hebrew lessons, so that was one of the reasons the school had trouble getting Hebrew students in the past. Also, according to wikianswers, about 7-8 million people in the world speak Hebrew and about 255 million speak Arabic.

Your Spanish is Not Good

As my company lays on its deathbed, struggling for air but yet stubbornly refusing to call a priest to perform last rites, I feel that the time has come to share some funny stories about my life as a secretary. (Actually I am now the Foreign Language Program Coordinator, but I didn't get a pay raise so let's just call it secretary.)

One of the many things I learned is that people who have taken Spanish tend to think that their Spanish is really good. I occasionally see this phenomenon with other languages as well, but the vast majority of the time it occurs with Spanish. Here's how it goes. The person took Spanish for 3 years in high school. Now 3 years sounds like a long time to study a language. Heck, if you were immersed for 3 years your Spanish would be amazing. But learning a language in high school is like the opposite of immersion. You spend 4 months trying to learn the verb "to be" while kids are throwing paper airplanes in the back of the room.

Anyway, even if this imaginary person did learn a lot in those 3 years, it has now been 15 years since high school. They have more or less forgotten it all. But they know that it's in their brain somewhere! As soon as they step into a Spanish classroom it will instantly come back to them! So, here's how the phone conversation goes when they call the school:

PERSON: "I took Spanish in high school, but it's been awhile and I don't know what level I should start at."
AMY: "Well I'm glad you asked because we have a placement exam for Spanish. Just fill that out and we'll get back to you with your level."
PERSON: "Well, I don't think I'd do very well on the exam."
AMY: "Oh why don't you just give it a try?"
PERSON: "I just already know a lot of Spanish. I think I should be at least in 201." (Note: 201 is the equivalent of a 2nd year college class. It is not easy, and it assumes that you already know all grammar including present & past subjunctive.)
AMY: "I hate my job. Do whatever you want."

Ok I don't say that last part. I just gently try to tell them that it's in their best interest to take the exam, and if they still refuse I just let them go into the class to crash and burn.

So for anyone out there who wants to brush up on their Spanish, just be aware of this. One year of high school = 10 weeks of college. And for anyone out there who's thinking about starting their own private language school, make the placement exam mandatory. You might lose a few students but trust me, it will be worth it.

Constantly Eating

I don't really know what I was expecting pregnancy to be like...

Wait, that's a lie. I know exactly what I was expecting. The super-human ability to eat 4 Chipotle burritos in one day!! But guess what? That has not happened. Here is what has actually happened so far.

Weeks 1-5: Totally normal. Maybe slightly hungrier after I found out the news, but that was probably just psychological.

Weeks 6-14: Sick! So sick! No eating. I ate pretzels. And sometimes soup. On a really good day I might have part of 1 lonely Chipotle burrito. :(

Weeks 15-17: So far in the post-sickness phase I am eating about as much as I used to pre-pregnancy, but I find that I can't eat large quantities at once. If I try, I just feel all heartburn-y. Instead, I am just constantly snacking. This might sound fun, but I am not digging it. Today I prepared my "lunch", which included 4 different snacks, and I ate everything by 12:30. It takes so much planning to be able to effectively graze all day. I guess that's the engineer in me - I'd rather eat a large meal, stuff myself, and then not eat again for 10 hours. It's just more efficient!

Vivid Dreams

I have read that when you're pregnant you can have more vivid dreams, and I would definitely say that has been true for me.

The other day I had a strange dream that I thought I would share with y'all. I dreamed that I took a graduate level micro-economics class at UW. And my instructor was none other than Greg Mankiw! I was so excited that I would get to meet Greg Mankiw, and I just conveniently ignored the fact that in real life he teaches at Harvard, not UW. (I think in my dream he actually commuted back and forth somehow, switching between Harvard and UW every other week or something.)

I get to class on the first day, and "Greg Mankiw" is this disheveled guy with scraggly, long hair. He basically seems like a semi-drunk homeless guy! He draws this squiggly graph on the board, says some stuff that I don't understand, and then just starts drawing random pictures. I was so disappointed! How could this guy who looked and acted like Randy Quaid from Independence Day be the former chairman of the Council of Economic Advisors?

Here's my analysis. First of all, this is actually the second dream I have had about GM. The now officially "recurring" dream always starts out with me being super excited to meet GM but ends in disappointment somehow. I think it represents my fear of going back to grad school. I'm worried that it will be too hard, and/or that I won't be able to handle it with the baby.

But even though my subconscious is apparently worried, when I'm awake I am still moving forward with the plan! I signed up to take the GRE (again... argh), so spending all that money forces me to study hard! And really... if I can learn how to drive stick in Seattle, I can handle grad school, right? :)