Since I am hoping to go back to school next fall, and DH works at UW already, we decided to put ourselves on the (3 year?!?!?) waiting list for the UW daycare. Yeah, it's 3 years. I mean, how can the list be that long?? Do people actually sign up 2 years before they even conceive?? Because that is a level of organization that I cannot even fathom. Or, maybe you just have to get lucky and most people never make it in.
Anyway, DH did the signing up, since he's the employee there. He called them, asked questions, did all the paperwork, etc. Then they sent us a letter which was addressed "Dear Amy,". His name was nowhere on there.
I don't know, perhaps discrimination is too strong a word here. I think it would be better to say "assumptions were made." Someone assumed that obviously, the mom would be the one dealing with all the day care stuff for the child. I feel like making assumptions can turn into discrimination if you're presented with information that contradicts your assumption but then you still don't change it.
As these things happen I will try to keep in mind that those people are just making assumptions. They're not trying to make me feel like a bad mom. Yet, as those little green shoots of guilt already start, I wonder if this is the *real* reason why men don't "pull their weight" with childcare. Every time a mom sends her husband to a parent-teacher meeting she probably thinks, at least for a second, about what people will think.
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I'm a not a feminist but I usually try to have Kristian share parenting responsibilities. But I gotta tell you, the moment I decided to breastfeed, the balance shifted. When you are nursing the baby so much and basically spending 2/3 of your waking hours with him/her on your lap, you end up doing more of everything else too. Like, changing diaper, like giving meds, like finding daycare, like calling the pediatrician. I didn't expect it to happen, but it did for us. It just takes too long to explain if the baby is hungry or sick or whatever to Kristian first and ask him carry out the necessary subsequent activities. Not all the time, but it happens a lot.
I wouldn't call it discrimination but more a convention. Since I didn't change my last name when I got married, everyone just assumed my last name was the same as my son's. I don't think that's discrimination either.
As far as daycare waist list goes, you may find better luck with a family based daycare. The MIT daycare has a 2 year wait list, and it's $2200/month. Have you found a parenting listserv or a meetup group to sign up for? They usually have a lot of daycare info.
Lastly, I'm jealous you might be able to go back to school with a new baby. Hope it works out.
This is going to sound horrible, but as a mom I don't worry about what people will think so much as worry that my husband may possibly forget something.
Or maybe he'd do something that would make me go, "WTF? Seriously?" You should see the way he dresses our kids. Really. ;)
The most difficult part for me is/was to back off and let him try.
Ha ha I should probably not be allowed to dress my kids... you should have seen the way I dressed myself when I was a kid. And by kid I mean all the way through high school.
That's totally true. I don't let my husband try as much as I should either. I always feel he'd forgot something or shortchange our son somehow. :(
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