I have read that when you're pregnant you can have more vivid dreams, and I would definitely say that has been true for me.
The other day I had a strange dream that I thought I would share with y'all. I dreamed that I took a graduate level micro-economics class at UW. And my instructor was none other than Greg Mankiw! I was so excited that I would get to meet Greg Mankiw, and I just conveniently ignored the fact that in real life he teaches at Harvard, not UW. (I think in my dream he actually commuted back and forth somehow, switching between Harvard and UW every other week or something.)
I get to class on the first day, and "Greg Mankiw" is this disheveled guy with scraggly, long hair. He basically seems like a semi-drunk homeless guy! He draws this squiggly graph on the board, says some stuff that I don't understand, and then just starts drawing random pictures. I was so disappointed! How could this guy who looked and acted like Randy Quaid from Independence Day be the former chairman of the Council of Economic Advisors?
Here's my analysis. First of all, this is actually the second dream I have had about GM. The now officially "recurring" dream always starts out with me being super excited to meet GM but ends in disappointment somehow. I think it represents my fear of going back to grad school. I'm worried that it will be too hard, and/or that I won't be able to handle it with the baby.
But even though my subconscious is apparently worried, when I'm awake I am still moving forward with the plan! I signed up to take the GRE (again... argh), so spending all that money forces me to study hard! And really... if I can learn how to drive stick in Seattle, I can handle grad school, right? :)
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Bad Day to Learn Stick
Today was my first day of driving by myself! The morning went pretty well. I drove all the way to work with no problem, and even parallel parked - in a huge spot, but still an accomplishment.
The drive home started out OK as well. But as I got closer to downtown (where I live) traffic got thicker and thicker. One street that is very steep was really backed up, and I was so afraid of getting stuck on that steep hill that I decided to turn right instead.
That detour should have worked out OK, since I was still heading towards home, but after a few more blocks I got completely stuck. You would think that going very, very slowly would not be so scary. But being in the gridlock, tightly packed with cars and giant buses, I got really nervous. With all the stop-and-go I stalled twice, and mostly I was nervous that I would never be able to make it through the light (I was stuck at one light for over 5 minutes while buses gridlocked it for 3 or 4 light cycles) and would be forced to deviate from my comfy, straight-line path to home. The drive, which took me 20 minutes in the morning, took 40 minutes going home. (By the way it is a 3.5 mile drive.)
By the time DH got home I was still shaken up, and I told him that I was never going to drive again! He pointed out the window and said, "Well you ran into an unusual traffic issue today". I saw lots of police cars and yellow tape. "Hmm I didn't see that on my drive," I said. But it turns out, there was a reason for the super excessive traffic today. Check this out:
Someone got murdered. Yep that's right. On my first day of driving. Great timing, huh?
The drive home started out OK as well. But as I got closer to downtown (where I live) traffic got thicker and thicker. One street that is very steep was really backed up, and I was so afraid of getting stuck on that steep hill that I decided to turn right instead.
That detour should have worked out OK, since I was still heading towards home, but after a few more blocks I got completely stuck. You would think that going very, very slowly would not be so scary. But being in the gridlock, tightly packed with cars and giant buses, I got really nervous. With all the stop-and-go I stalled twice, and mostly I was nervous that I would never be able to make it through the light (I was stuck at one light for over 5 minutes while buses gridlocked it for 3 or 4 light cycles) and would be forced to deviate from my comfy, straight-line path to home. The drive, which took me 20 minutes in the morning, took 40 minutes going home. (By the way it is a 3.5 mile drive.)
By the time DH got home I was still shaken up, and I told him that I was never going to drive again! He pointed out the window and said, "Well you ran into an unusual traffic issue today". I saw lots of police cars and yellow tape. "Hmm I didn't see that on my drive," I said. But it turns out, there was a reason for the super excessive traffic today. Check this out:
Someone got murdered. Yep that's right. On my first day of driving. Great timing, huh?
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Weird Pregnancy Stuff
Here are some observations and things I have learned so far during my pregnancy.
1. I didn't realize my clothes were so tight.
After gaining only 5 pounds I had only 1 pair of pants that I could zip/button up. Even a few weeks ago I remember wearing a pair of slacks to work and by the end of the day I was dying to take them off! I never felt like I was a really "tight-clothes" dresser, so I didn't realize how small the margin of error is with clothes. This issue brings me to point number 2.
2. There is probably a huge untapped market for elastic bands. Example here.
I mean hey, it's not just us pregnant ladies that grow out of our jeans! They should be marketing this thing to men and women of all ages! I recently had a pregnant coworker and thusly found out about this staple of pregnancy gear. For those of you who are not aware of this technological development, it allows you to keep wearing your 'old' pants without zipping them up. You just put the elastic band over them to keep the pants from flopping around, and then (more or less) no one can tell that your pants are unbuttoned.
The first time I tried it on, I had two thoughts - 1) yay, I can wear these jeans again! and 2) Sad, I can't even begin to zip them up. Like many things with pregnancy - a mix of emotions.
3. Almost every pregnant woman will break their lifetime weight record.
I weighed in at 142 yesterday. I am positive that I have never weighed over 140 in my life. Usually I weigh 135. This record-breaking must happen to almost every pregnant lady at some point, because we all gain at least 20ish pounds overall. It's funny, no matter how much you know it's coming, it's strange to see those numbers creeping up. Especially now when I'm not all big and obviously pregnant yet. Basically I just look like one of those sorority girls in college who didn't spend enough time on the elliptical machine and developed a muffin top.
4. Telling people can be weird.
At first, you tell your family and close friends. That is the fun part because you know everyone will be excited. After that, I wasn't really sure how or when to tell people. Why? Because let's be honest... who cares that I'm pregnant? I mean, am I supposed to make a big deal about it to every person I interact with? I feel like it's weird when you tell someone who you are kind of friends with, or are acquaintances with through work or something. It's like, they feel like they have to act excited, and then I have to act excited... it's all too much. I mean I am excited, of course, so I don't know why I feel so awkward about it. I am just awkward, I guess! Part of me wants to just never tell people, but then sometimes I'm on the elevator and there's this other part of me that wants to say "Hey, this isn't a real muffin top. I'm just pregnant."
1. I didn't realize my clothes were so tight.
After gaining only 5 pounds I had only 1 pair of pants that I could zip/button up. Even a few weeks ago I remember wearing a pair of slacks to work and by the end of the day I was dying to take them off! I never felt like I was a really "tight-clothes" dresser, so I didn't realize how small the margin of error is with clothes. This issue brings me to point number 2.
2. There is probably a huge untapped market for elastic bands. Example here.
I mean hey, it's not just us pregnant ladies that grow out of our jeans! They should be marketing this thing to men and women of all ages! I recently had a pregnant coworker and thusly found out about this staple of pregnancy gear. For those of you who are not aware of this technological development, it allows you to keep wearing your 'old' pants without zipping them up. You just put the elastic band over them to keep the pants from flopping around, and then (more or less) no one can tell that your pants are unbuttoned.
The first time I tried it on, I had two thoughts - 1) yay, I can wear these jeans again! and 2) Sad, I can't even begin to zip them up. Like many things with pregnancy - a mix of emotions.
3. Almost every pregnant woman will break their lifetime weight record.
I weighed in at 142 yesterday. I am positive that I have never weighed over 140 in my life. Usually I weigh 135. This record-breaking must happen to almost every pregnant lady at some point, because we all gain at least 20ish pounds overall. It's funny, no matter how much you know it's coming, it's strange to see those numbers creeping up. Especially now when I'm not all big and obviously pregnant yet. Basically I just look like one of those sorority girls in college who didn't spend enough time on the elliptical machine and developed a muffin top.
4. Telling people can be weird.
At first, you tell your family and close friends. That is the fun part because you know everyone will be excited. After that, I wasn't really sure how or when to tell people. Why? Because let's be honest... who cares that I'm pregnant? I mean, am I supposed to make a big deal about it to every person I interact with? I feel like it's weird when you tell someone who you are kind of friends with, or are acquaintances with through work or something. It's like, they feel like they have to act excited, and then I have to act excited... it's all too much. I mean I am excited, of course, so I don't know why I feel so awkward about it. I am just awkward, I guess! Part of me wants to just never tell people, but then sometimes I'm on the elevator and there's this other part of me that wants to say "Hey, this isn't a real muffin top. I'm just pregnant."
Monday, August 23, 2010
What's Offensive
Just over a week ago we went and watched The Expendables. Actually I should clarify. I got tricked into watching it. I suppose this is what I get for not having a TV and never seeing movie trailers... I just heard "we're going to the movies" and I said, sure why not? I am kind of sorry that I contributed to that movie being #1 at the box office, because it was really a terrible movie. Although that being said, I've gotten some pretty decent entertainment out of making fun of it. The dialog was bad, the jokes were lame, the action scenes are not really my thing (although if you just forget that it's a movie and pretend you're watching a fireworks show it's sort of ok.)
More importantly, all of the guys in the movie seemed to have IQs that just barely allow them to function in society. Dolf Lundgren in particular was like a large, dumb ox who bumped his head into stuff, grunted, and beat the crap out of people. But all of the characters were bad. The saddest thing was that they all seemed confused as to why they didn't have girlfriends. There were many reasons why this was the case, but the main 2 reasons were 1) they didn't respect women and 2) the closest they could get to talking about their feelings involved hanging out at a seedy tattoo parlor and throwing knives at the wall. Also, they spend a lot of time eating HGH and killing people.
Sometimes I think I'm getting more feminist as I get older. I was surprised at how much those douche-y guys annoyed the crap out of me in that movie. But then a few days ago I was listening to Dr. Dre's "B**ches ain't s**t", and I was almost laughing out loud at the lyrics. So why do I laugh at those songs but not at the macho-men movies? I suppose it's because I hadn't seen a movie like that in a long time (or possibly ever) and I was concerned that there might be some segment of society out there that might take those things seriously. Or maybe with the gangster rap songs they just have a special place in my heart. I guess I was more... open minded?... back when I was listening to that music a lot. I do think there's something about having a kid though, or even just the process of thinking about having kids, which has made me a little more feminist.
More importantly, all of the guys in the movie seemed to have IQs that just barely allow them to function in society. Dolf Lundgren in particular was like a large, dumb ox who bumped his head into stuff, grunted, and beat the crap out of people. But all of the characters were bad. The saddest thing was that they all seemed confused as to why they didn't have girlfriends. There were many reasons why this was the case, but the main 2 reasons were 1) they didn't respect women and 2) the closest they could get to talking about their feelings involved hanging out at a seedy tattoo parlor and throwing knives at the wall. Also, they spend a lot of time eating HGH and killing people.
Sometimes I think I'm getting more feminist as I get older. I was surprised at how much those douche-y guys annoyed the crap out of me in that movie. But then a few days ago I was listening to Dr. Dre's "B**ches ain't s**t", and I was almost laughing out loud at the lyrics. So why do I laugh at those songs but not at the macho-men movies? I suppose it's because I hadn't seen a movie like that in a long time (or possibly ever) and I was concerned that there might be some segment of society out there that might take those things seriously. Or maybe with the gangster rap songs they just have a special place in my heart. I guess I was more... open minded?... back when I was listening to that music a lot. I do think there's something about having a kid though, or even just the process of thinking about having kids, which has made me a little more feminist.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Dad discrimination
Since I am hoping to go back to school next fall, and DH works at UW already, we decided to put ourselves on the (3 year?!?!?) waiting list for the UW daycare. Yeah, it's 3 years. I mean, how can the list be that long?? Do people actually sign up 2 years before they even conceive?? Because that is a level of organization that I cannot even fathom. Or, maybe you just have to get lucky and most people never make it in.
Anyway, DH did the signing up, since he's the employee there. He called them, asked questions, did all the paperwork, etc. Then they sent us a letter which was addressed "Dear Amy,". His name was nowhere on there.
I don't know, perhaps discrimination is too strong a word here. I think it would be better to say "assumptions were made." Someone assumed that obviously, the mom would be the one dealing with all the day care stuff for the child. I feel like making assumptions can turn into discrimination if you're presented with information that contradicts your assumption but then you still don't change it.
As these things happen I will try to keep in mind that those people are just making assumptions. They're not trying to make me feel like a bad mom. Yet, as those little green shoots of guilt already start, I wonder if this is the *real* reason why men don't "pull their weight" with childcare. Every time a mom sends her husband to a parent-teacher meeting she probably thinks, at least for a second, about what people will think.
Anyway, DH did the signing up, since he's the employee there. He called them, asked questions, did all the paperwork, etc. Then they sent us a letter which was addressed "Dear Amy,". His name was nowhere on there.
I don't know, perhaps discrimination is too strong a word here. I think it would be better to say "assumptions were made." Someone assumed that obviously, the mom would be the one dealing with all the day care stuff for the child. I feel like making assumptions can turn into discrimination if you're presented with information that contradicts your assumption but then you still don't change it.
As these things happen I will try to keep in mind that those people are just making assumptions. They're not trying to make me feel like a bad mom. Yet, as those little green shoots of guilt already start, I wonder if this is the *real* reason why men don't "pull their weight" with childcare. Every time a mom sends her husband to a parent-teacher meeting she probably thinks, at least for a second, about what people will think.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Driving Lessons!
For those of you who haven't heard the big news - I am pregnant! I have been pretty sick (on and off, but mostly on) for the last 5 weeks or so. But I am getting better! Yesterday DH and I went to dinner with some friends, so I was out until almost 10pm and I didn't get sick! (My morning sickness has often been worse in the afternoons and evenings, so this is a big step for me.)
Since I found out the big news, I have also been slowly trying to learn how to drive stick shift so that I can drive our little bambino around in the family van. (It's our only vehicle.) It's crazy - downtown Seattle has to be one of the hardest places in the world to learn stick. It's super hilly, with lots of narrow and crowded roads. We also park 6 floors down in our parking garage, and I have still not been brave enough to drive in there.
But today, DH drove the van out of the garage and up one block so I could start on a flat road. And then.... I drove all the way to my work!! And the only time I stalled was during parking maneuvers! There are not any steep hills on this commute so I am not ready to be doing crazy hill starts yet, but still. I am so proud of myself...*tear*. Almost 30 and learning to drive. You see, anything is possible!!
Since I found out the big news, I have also been slowly trying to learn how to drive stick shift so that I can drive our little bambino around in the family van. (It's our only vehicle.) It's crazy - downtown Seattle has to be one of the hardest places in the world to learn stick. It's super hilly, with lots of narrow and crowded roads. We also park 6 floors down in our parking garage, and I have still not been brave enough to drive in there.
But today, DH drove the van out of the garage and up one block so I could start on a flat road. And then.... I drove all the way to my work!! And the only time I stalled was during parking maneuvers! There are not any steep hills on this commute so I am not ready to be doing crazy hill starts yet, but still. I am so proud of myself...*tear*. Almost 30 and learning to drive. You see, anything is possible!!
Friday, June 25, 2010
Painted into a Corner
Some days at work, I think to myself "I can't take this anymore", and I start looking at jobs on craigslist. But, I'm kind of stuck right now. I don't want to go look for a real job, because I am planning on going back to school next year. But when I try to apply for a 'less-real' job, such as the one I'm in now (but one that pays better, because almost every job in the world pays better than what I make right now), I am too overqualified. So I'll look at my resume and think "hmm maybe I should just take the master's degree out". But then I think, well what am I going to put in there for work from 2007-2009? Argh.
Just to remind myself that I did the right thing, I went back and read this. I was so angry back then! It's funny to read now, since I'm not dealing with it anymore. (I'm sure you unix fans remember helping me through all my trials and tribulations.)
The bottom line is that I was not a very good engineer. I think that's the thing that I need to explain to people when they give me a bunch of crap for not using my education. Non-engineers always assume I am a good engineer because I can count in binary or throw around terms like "Fourier Series." But being good at math does NOT make you a good engineer. It makes you a passable engineer. To be a good engineer you have to be decent at math and also be interested in engineering. For me, reading man pages was not fun. I learned the bare minimum of unix commands necessary to get through my day. Now, I was not a terrible engineer. I am smart enough to come up with some OK ideas and get a piece of code working (eventually). Many people who are worse engineers than me slog it out for their entire career (usually writing requirements -- oh, snap!). And if all I cared about was having a stable income, that is what I would do. Show up for work, count down the hours until 5, and then go home and have a beer and forget about it.
But that's not me. So, yes I am going to go back to school again! By next fall this strange receptionist period of my life will be over. I should actually be studying to re-take the GRE right now, but I'm too distracted by this new book I just got, it's really good. :)
Just to remind myself that I did the right thing, I went back and read this. I was so angry back then! It's funny to read now, since I'm not dealing with it anymore. (I'm sure you unix fans remember helping me through all my trials and tribulations.)
The bottom line is that I was not a very good engineer. I think that's the thing that I need to explain to people when they give me a bunch of crap for not using my education. Non-engineers always assume I am a good engineer because I can count in binary or throw around terms like "Fourier Series." But being good at math does NOT make you a good engineer. It makes you a passable engineer. To be a good engineer you have to be decent at math and also be interested in engineering. For me, reading man pages was not fun. I learned the bare minimum of unix commands necessary to get through my day. Now, I was not a terrible engineer. I am smart enough to come up with some OK ideas and get a piece of code working (eventually). Many people who are worse engineers than me slog it out for their entire career (usually writing requirements -- oh, snap!). And if all I cared about was having a stable income, that is what I would do. Show up for work, count down the hours until 5, and then go home and have a beer and forget about it.
But that's not me. So, yes I am going to go back to school again! By next fall this strange receptionist period of my life will be over. I should actually be studying to re-take the GRE right now, but I'm too distracted by this new book I just got, it's really good. :)
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